A Lost Wand, He Wrote
by Rosaroes Crouch
Summary: When Harry's wand goes missing, he has no choice but to ask for the help of the cunning Slytherins to find it back. But who knew Draco was a detective fit enough to lick Sherlock's boots? HPDM Slash.


Esp. written for the fanfiction contest at the livejournal community castlehogwarts.

- - - - -

**A LOST WAND, HE WROTE**

A Classic Not-So-Murder Mystery

- - - - -

"Well, when was the last time you had it with you?" Hermione asked inquisitory.

"I don't know!" Harry cried out desperately. She always knew how to make someone completely innocent feel guilty as hell – and right now, he couldn't quite handle that.

"Don't worry mate, you'll find it soon enough." Ron patted Harry on the back reassuringly. That was how a friend should respond, Harry thought angrily. But he was no closer to solving his problem. His horrible, terrible – tragic problem!

"But I really need it," Harry muttered. How could he be so stupid to just lose it? He always had his wand with him, it was his only guarantee to survive an attack of some kind. Not to mention in how he could possibly do any practical assignments for Transfiguration, Charms or Defense Against the Dark Arts without a wand – he'd fail! "Damn, damn, darn," he kept muttering.

"Harry," Hermione stared at him disapprovingly. "I don't think swearing is going to bring your wand back."

"Well, well," a too familiar voice drawled as the trio approached the library. "Poor little Potter left completely defenseless without his wand?"

Harry grunted. Why couldn't he just be unlucky one time a day – but no, trouble always came in three. Or three million, in his case.

"Yes, Malfoy. Do your thing – gloat at me all you like. But now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to look for my wand."

Malfoy grinned. "You? Look for your wand?"

Harry raised an eyebrow. "What's so funny about that?"

"People like you," Draco pointed a lean finger at Harry's chest and looked at Ron and Hermione," are not made to find things. You only lose them. You need people like us, to find them."

"People like _you_?" Harry stared at Draco in disbelief.

"Yes. Remember us Slytherins – the cunning ones with more brain capacity that you could ever hope for?"

Hermione was the edge of composing herself, thinking of how he could best wring Malfoy's neck. Ron on the other hand, was clearly over the edge and held his fist raised in front of Malfoy's face.

"Tut-tut." Malfoy waved away the redhead's hand. "I am merely suggesting you let yourself be assisted by _real_ professionals. That is – if you want your wand back."

"Yes, of course," Harry said, doubting whether he could ever trust someone like Malfoy. But he did need his wand back more than anything else.

"You know where to find us delectable snakes," Malfoy said just before he turned around and left.

- - -

"Harry? Are you even considering this?" Hermione asked.

"Yes, why not?" Harry snapped.

"Well, why not? Hm, let's think," she responded sarcastically. "Because he'll ambush you, kill you - you being defenseless without your wand, as Malfoy himself put it – and bring you to Voldemort!"

Ron nodded fervently. "Yeah, she's right, Harry. Why trust Malfoy?"

"Because I'll probably never get my wand back otherwise!"

"Buy a new one," Hermione suggested.

"Yeah, that'll be easy, considering there's no Ollivanders anymore, huh?" Harry was really started to get frustrated. He couldn't stand the fact he'd lost his wand. And now he was thinking about it, he couldn't think of any way how he could have lost it in the first place. He always stuck his trusting piece of wood tightly into his pants – making sure it couldn't just drop out of his cloak. So what had happened?

"Oh, yeah," Hermione whispered, obviously defeated.

Suddenly Harry got an idea and jumped of the couch.

"See you later," he said to Ron and Hermione and walked out of the common room hastily. He was headed for the Hufflepuff common room, but he wasn't sure exactly where it was. Luckily he ran into Terry Boot – considering a Ravenclaw would know where all the common rooms were, right?

"Hi, Terry." Harry waved to one of his old DA friends.

"Oi, Harry, what you doing here? A bit out of your route, isn't it?" Terry responded amicably.

"Yeah, well, I was on my way to see Zacharias, but I'm a bit lost."

"Aah, Zacharias," Terry winked suggestively. "Well, you need to take a right turn at the end here and then walk up the first stairs from the left. You'll see when you get there."

"Thanks, Terry," Harry smiled and started walking into the designated direction.

"Oh, and – ah – you two have fun, huh?" Terry winked again.

Harry raised an eyebrow. What was Terry going on about?

He was relieved when he'd finally discovered the entrance to the Hufflepuff common room, but of course he didn't know the password. Just as he was about to call out really loud for someone in the common room to open the door, a first year girl exited.

She stared at him with eyes as big as saucers.

"Potter – Harry," she stuttered.

"Euhm, hi, yeah, that's me. Could you perhaps help me?"

She nodded silently.

"I wanted to go and visit one of your housemates, but I don't the password." Harry smiled his most dazzling smile. Not that he needed to, because the girl muttered the password immediately and let Harry in – staring at him as she did so.

"Thanks." Harry waved as he entered the common room.

"Harry!" Zacharias had been sitting in front of the fire and jumped up as soon as he saw Harry. "What are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to ask you something." Zacharias gestured Harry to sit next to him on the comfortable yellow couch he had been occupying.

"Ask away," Zacharias smiled kindly. Harry hadn't known the Hufflepuff like this. Sure, after their DA meetings he had become a lot more amiable and less critical of Harry, but they hadn't been the best of friends.

"The thing is, that since yesterday I've lost my wand and I have no idea how or where I could have lost it. But I do distinctly remember having it when we rehearsed Quidditch on Sunday." A couple of the Gryffindors had practiced a try-out game against some of the Hufflepuffs. Zacharias had been one of them – he had even been next to Harry in the locker rooms.

"Oh." The Hufflepuff seemed to search his mind for anything relevant. "I remember that you had it when you – undressed. But apart from that, I'm afraid I can't help you."

"You don't know if I had it when I left – after the game?" Harry asked hopefully.

Zacharias was thinking again and then shook his head. "No, I'm afraid I don't."

"Damn." Harry sighed. Things weren't really going his way.

"But I can help you, if you want to." Zacharias scooted over to Harry, sitting dangerously close and almost breathing in his neck. "I can help you with finding your wand," he whispered, one hand sneaking up to rest on Harry's knee. Whoa – what _was_ this?

"Very kind of you, Zaaa – ch – a – ri – y – a – us," Harry stuttered, obviously lost for words – trying to push Zacharias's hand off his legs. "But I'll be leaving now."

Harry practically ran out of the common room, leaving a very dissapointed looking Zacharias behind.

When he was safely outside in the hallway again, panting, he decided to take Malfoy up on his offer. At least he'd be safe from sexual harassment with the Prince of Slytherin.

- - -

Draco was already waiting for Harry, leaning casually against the wall, studying his perfectly manicured nails.

"So, still haven't discovered anything new?" He grinned as he saw Harry approach him.

Harry shook his head. "I even tried to talk to Zacharias, but that didn't get me anywhere."

"Didn't get you _anywhere_, huh?" Draco seemed to enjoy himself as he smiled secretively.

"No, I didn't get my wand back, no." Harry was getting a bit tired of all these sneaky little smiles behind his back.

"I even asked Ginny, but she hadn't seen it anywhere," he continued.

"So, don't you wish your girlfriend was more _fun_ – like me?"

"_Fun_?" Harry laughed – long, hard and sincere. "Are you supposed to be fun?" He was still laughing. He couldn't possibly imagine how someone like Malfoy could crack someone up with a joke. Except for this moment then – but that didn't count.

Malfoy raised an eyebrow. "Potter, why do you seem to find it so unbelievable that I am fun?"

"Well, I mean: look at you! You don't exactly _look _like fun, now do you?"

Malfoy looked insulted and seemed to stare at his own robes, tugging at them. "What? What's wrong with how I look?"

"You look just, too – too – _respectable_."

"Ugh!" Malfoy cried out. "I look _respectable_?" He looked thoroughly disgusted. "You my call me anything, but not respectable. I am mean, rich, hot, cunning, sneaky, beautiful, gorgeous, avant-gardistic, fashionable, tasteful, brilliant – hell, even 'pretty'! But I am _not_ – respectable!"

Harry was a bit taken aback by this little tantrum. "Euhm, okay, sure," he agreed. "You are not respectable, then."

"Good." Draco agreed.

"Now that we've sorted that out, could you go and find my wand now?" Harry suggested.

"I may indeed, I may indeed," Malfoy muttered – slowly looking around as if they were at the scene of the crime.

- - -

It had been two days and Harry still hadn't heard anything from Malfoy. He did saw him now and then, sneaking around the corridors with a cherrywood pipe hanging from the corner of his mouth and a little brown chequered hat on his head. The image seemed somehow familiar, but he didn't seem to know how exactly. The boy seemed to be seriously engulfed in his new job. But it hadn't payed off in any way. Harry still hadn't gotten his wand back.

So he owled Malfoy that afternoon to ask him to meet him.

He had just exited the Great Hall with Ginny when he ran into the Slytherin.

"So – don't you wish your girlfriend was _wrong_ like me?" Malfoy grinned.

"Can't disagree with the fact that you are very wrong," Harry muttered confused. "But I don't have a girlfriend. And if I had, I wouldn't wish she was more like you – in any aspect." Harry sighed. He wanted his wand back, not discuss his absent love life with Malfoy!

"What about the Weaslette, isn't she your little – girlfriend?" Malfoy hesitated with the last word and Harry suspected he was thinking of words a lot nastier than 'girlfriend'.

"No," Harry replied shortly. His wand, his wand, _his wand_! "Can we get back to the point of our conversation, now?"

"Why, of course. The Great Potter must have his wand, that's more important than anything else." Malfoy's sarcasm was annoying Harry more than normal.

"Argh," he muttered under his breath. "Just get on with it!"

Draco nodded and together with Harry they walked in the direction of the Transfiguration classroom. Just as they came around the corner, they walked into Zacharias and Terry involved in a heated discussion. As soon as they saw Malfoy and Harry, they stopped and fell silent.

"Hiya Harry!" Zacharias waved. Terry just smiled.

"Euh – hi," Harry muttered unsure.

"What are you doing, hanging out with Malfoy here?" Terry asked.

Malfoy was eyeing the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw with suspicious and was standing strangely close to Harry all of a sudden. Almost as if he was trying to be protective.

"Oh, he's helping me find my wand," Harry said.

Malfoy nodded. "Yes, _I _am helping him."

Harry was startled as he felt Draco's hand brush against his hips.

Zacharias seemed to spot the same and he shot Malfoy a glare, gesturing Terry to follow him and walked away.

"What the hell was that about?" Harry stared at the Slytherin with a very dangerous demanding look.

"Nothing, Harry, nothing." He smirked. "Now, let's go and find that little wand of yours."

- - -

After four days Harry had had it. Draco would find him his wand right now, or he'd go and buy a new one. He was just on his way to tell Draco that when he bumped into him.

Malfoy seemed to be figuring something out – he was lost in his thoughts.

"Don't you wish your girlfriend was _hot_ like me?" he prompted, as if that had been on his mind all along.

"For the last time Malfoy, Ginny is _not_ my girlfriend!"

"So you think I'm hot?" Draco smirked as if he'd just won a place on Snape's lap.

"No!" Harry yelled.

"Surely looks like you're lying."

Harry sighed, tired. He wanted his darn wand back – but all he got for it was people giving him odd looks and suggesting the strangest things.

"Malfoy – please, I just want my wand back."

"And I was just being the Prince Charming I am to help you with that." Malfoy grinned.

"Prince Charming?" Harry stared at Malfoy, agape with wonder.

"Well, I wanted to tell you, really, but there was just never a good time. Really." Harry had never heard Draco repeat himself before. It was confusingly out of character. "But you're just so bloody dense, Potter," he added and Harry sighed of relief – now _such_ a remark he recognised.

"Why am I dense?"

Malfoy sighed. "Oh you bloody Gryffindors. You're brains are so damaged by your constant stupid impulses and reckless bravery that you don't understand anything, now you do?"

"Huh?" Harry's response proved Draco right.

"I am your Prince Charming, Harry. Just open up those eager little green eyes of yours and – see."

"But I _have_ my eyes open!" Harry said insulted. How wonderfully oblivious he could be, Draco thought. It was just too funny for words.

Draco sighed again. "I'll tell you. Word for word, even slowly so that you're little brain will be able to process all the information.

"Hey!" Harry called out as soon as he'd realised what Draco had said. The Slytherin ignored the outcry completely.

"I wanted to tell you before, but I just didn't get a chance," he started. "You didn't lose your wand. I heard about the whole thing when I was looking at you and those Hufflepuffs practice Quidditch. Some of the boys had organised some sort of bet, involving you losing your wand."

Harry looked confused. Why would anyone throw a bet about him losing his wand?

"They'd figure you'd be pretty desperate about getting it back. So they placed a bet on who of them would be able to 'help' you." Draco did air quotation marks around 'help'.

"Help me? What do you mean?" Harry stared at the Slytherin, still not getting any of this.

"The winner would be the one who'd got you to snog him – or more."

Harry almost choked on his own breath. _Snog_? Him? All this trouble had been just so that someone could get a chance to _snog_ him?

He shook his head. What was happening to the world?

"Who organised this whole charade, then?"

"It was Smith's idea, mainly."

"What? Zacharias?" Harry choked, now for real.

Malfoy stood behind him and patted him forcefully on the back.

"I – cough – even went to see – cough – him!" Harry said with trouble.

Malfoy grinned. Now Harry understood why he had been looking so secretive when he'd told him that.

"So, why are you telling me this?"

Draco handed back Harry's familiar wand and tucked it back into his cloak.

"Thanks."

"I figured – me being the cunning witty Slytherin that I am – that I'd have a better chance when I saved you from all those clumsy desperate boys."

"A better chance?" It hit Harry like the Crucio. Draco had been in it all along! He was nothing better than Smith – and Boot! And – whoever else had been involved in this despicable plan to do wicked things to him! Harry's enlightened thoughts were disturbed by something rather – disturbing.

Harry felt something warm on his lips – something that didn't feel so bad. Before he even realised, he had his hands tangled into Draco's silvery strands of soft hair and pulled the warmness closer.

"God, I'd thought you'd never catch on," Draco muttered as he pulled away from the kiss.

"I hate you!" Harry groaned, "How could you do that? Why?"

"I did it for –"

Draco didn't say anything, he just jerked Harry at his collar until his entire body was aligned with Draco's. He pressed his lips hungrily against Harry's and sneaked his tongue into Harry's mouth – like a true Slytherin. Harry was breathing hard into Draco's warm mouth – afraid to lose this wrong, but delicious feeling. He had no idea where this had come from. But it felt to gorgeously bad.

Even more so when he felt Draco's hardness pressing itself against Harry's thigh.

"See you didn't lose _your_ wand," Harry whispered into Draco's ear.

The blonde grinned impishly.

Harry started to rub himself against the Slytherin's body – losing himself in a beastly rhythm.

_Crack! _

It sounded as if a piece of wood had broken.

"Oh fuck!" Harry cried out. "Not that too – just when I got it back!"

"I'll get you a new and better one." Draco kissed Harry to seal his promise and licked all his way down to his collarbone, just to prove how much he was going to keep his promise.

Harry actually forgot all about his wand when a wand of a whole different material re-introduced itself to Harry's loins.

All he could do from then on, was groan like a real Gryffin.

- - -

**Crediting**

The Pussycat Dolls with 'Don't Cha' for the brilliant 'Don't you wish your girlfriend was...' lyrics. Fitted Draco like glove, didn't they?

Agatha Christie for the 'Murder, She Wrote' idea – plus for being simply fantastic. Plus, recognise anything Conan Arthur Doyle in there?

If you liked, visit http/ for loads like this.


End file.
